(in the morning)
December 12, 2001 @ 2:31 a.m.
(in the morning) or at night, whenever does it seems as though the world is spinning and all your life you've spun with it until one day where everything stopped and you just kept on spinning that's what it's like in my head right now that's where those demons reside that's what all the yelling's about that's where I go to cry... if the sun comes shining through those windows just one more time, I'm going to vomit black powder and empty space waste of my time clear the room and help me clear my mind you think I've never seen the scariest part of the horror movie that is my life you know nothing I live it, aching, breaking it's the mood I make, the shit I take that gets me through the day it's the spiral staircase down into fever the empty waste of human life the crying, dying, mystical emptying, lying, physical -- it's too big for you to bear I never wanted you there as a witness I wanted you away, because you think I do it to myself You crucify me because it's all my fault but you don't get to see the dark tombs inside which are me and I thank god everyday I didn't drag you in too far... Am I all lovely and bright? no But I thought that's what you loved about me you loved that I was tortured too; bound by the same chains. Maybe that's what I loved about myself... Maybe that's what I love about you. these words are what I make them and you feel, just how you take them and I never wanted you there no I never wanted you there Cast me out into the thoughts of despair and bring me back again Maybe you thought I was decent at one time even pretty, even beautiful I'd have to be, for to say those things... or so a dreamer would believe But now you know the truth bitter stenching bile on the inside bubbles up from the flesh and eats away at your shoes -- Step back, step back, step back or be forever burned by me or maybe the dark will rise again Oh god how I'd like to kiss you again so early (in the morning)
**For Kyle, whom I so foolishly scared away so early this morning...god, I'm so sorry. Please forgive me.
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- - March 22, 2010
always the same - July 01, 2008
b-a-n-a-n-a-s! - December 25, 2006
elementary again - October 29, 2006
I don't like you, but I love you - October 03, 2006