Isn't it true they always want to know WHY you feel like this? -- 1000 entries.
May 24, 2005 @ 8:50 p.m.
in the four years or so I've spent over at diaryland, not much has changed. i'm still in love with a boy over the internet, which is a...relatively pointless venture, especially since THIS boy is even further away than THAT one was and I STILL haven't met that one.
i'm still insecure. still painfully insecure. i am still just shit in my mind. that's all. just shit.
i'm still a virgin. and i don't want to be one of those girls that gives it up to whomever comes along...but i would. i would in a second now. i want to at least pretend that i'm in love, that i'm lovable, that i'm beautiful and sexy and good enough to have sex with.
still single. still lonely. still sad.
i've gained weight too. that's always fun.
i'm more level-headed, maybe. that's good. i don't cut myself anymore....no, i involve myself in more spectacular drownings-in-sadness like alcohol and pot and fantasizing about married men. oh yes. much better now.
jesus christ.
speaking of married men...michael, anne and i are going camping one of these weekends soon. i hate camping, but they're making me go. michael has promised to eat a smore if i go, and since i really enjoy trying to ruin other peoples' health as well as my own, the weekend will be a haze of beer and chocolate and laughter. hopefully laughter. i am also going to visit michael tomorrow at his house after work...probably to discuss star wars. a bucket of fun times it will be.
oh. it seems my moods haven't changed much either.
i don't want any pity from this entry. i don't give a shit what your opinion is on this, either. this is how I feel. this is mine. mine. let me wallow in it tonight.
it'll all be better by morning.
<< | >>
- - March 22, 2010
always the same - July 01, 2008
b-a-n-a-n-a-s! - December 25, 2006
elementary again - October 29, 2006
I don't like you, but I love you - October 03, 2006