on new year's eve, alone, again
December 31, 2005 @ 2:52 p.m.
Another New Year coming up. Another year of being alone.
It feels like it'll never end. Like I'm just sitting here, waiting to be kissed, and I'll never be kissed. I'll have to spend it with my mother, again.
I should be grateful that she is even here.
Oh, there's just a part of me that wants more. Something different. Something exciting. Nothing exciting ever happens in my life...I feel a need to run away. Run in any direction, flee and just...do something DIFFERENT, SOMETHING DIFFERENT, GOD DAMNIT I WANT THINGS TO BE A LITTLE DIFFERENT EVERY NOW AND AGAIN SO I STILL FEEL A NEED TO WAKE UP IN THE MORNING.
Right now, I spend more and more time in bed, and stay awake more and more at night.
It's the nighttimes that harm me. It's the nighttime that hurts. Because it's quiet and it's calm and those are the times when I wish, I just wish, I could scream loud enough to break glass.
I'd probably never stop screaming. If only to hear a friendly voice.
...This isn't making any sense. I just want to feel somebody near me. I feel a great sense of loss today, and loneliness. Like if I reached out my hand, no one would take it...they wouldn't even notice it was there.
Loneliness. Sharp. I can taste it.
I need to go for a drive. Maybe just so I can give the illusion that I'm going somewhere.
It always worked in the past.
<< | >>
- - March 22, 2010
always the same - July 01, 2008
b-a-n-a-n-a-s! - December 25, 2006
elementary again - October 29, 2006
I don't like you, but I love you - October 03, 2006