Applaud
July 02, 2003 @ 5:18 p.m.
So. New layout. Computer with quite a pretty little hookup.
Same old problems.
Not really solving them with anything healthy. I've stopped cutting, because I've decided I don't like pain. I like relief FROM pain. I like not feeling. It's much better than feeling.
But sometimes...sometimes I just feel like screaming "Oi! I have problems too, you know!"
It's just...I don't know. It seems there's no one around to listen, even when I'm surrounded by people. That's always been the hard part...finding people to listen to me.
That's why you can still see those scars on my arms and ankles. They haven't faded yet, and they probably won't, no matter how much people ignore them.
And they do. Oh my, they do.
My father is the most of my problems right now. He has moved into my family's cabin, the place where I have worshipped sun and rain gods for my whole lifetime, and there is nothing, legally or otherwise, we can do about it. We stay away from there like avoiding the Plague (because, essentially, he is).
His co-conspirator, sister Lisa, has now paid to get his furniture out of storage, and also to turn on the electricity and gas that we had shut off to make his stay as uncomfortable as possible.
Judas.
I want to say to both of them...I want to say shitfuckmotherfuckingcuntcocksuckerfuckfuckFUCK! but then they'll just say I have undiagnosed Tourette's and, well, I was never really that stable anyway.
This coming from an alcoholic and a woman who's the "other woman" in an affair, and as been for years now.
I mean, Jesus! My father didn't die at 36, but he stopped living. Wouldn't it just be better for everyone if he decided to stop fucking my family over and blew his brains out?
I, for one, would applaud.
<< | >>
- - March 22, 2010
always the same - July 01, 2008
b-a-n-a-n-a-s! - December 25, 2006
elementary again - October 29, 2006
I don't like you, but I love you - October 03, 2006