I am a mess.


....and that's final
April 23, 2003 @ 9:33 a.m.

I had a baby last night.

Well, in a dream.

Actually, it was Becky who was pregnant, but for some reason it was my baby she was carrying. Not "my baby" in that we were a couple or anything, but "my baby" that she was a surrogate mother for my child.

Weird.

The subject of babies have been ever-present in my life lately. Two of my cousins, who are also sisters, are both 5 months pregnant, and so there's great joy, yada yada, babies are cute. And practically every girl I talk to is "oooo! baby! Gimme gimme gimme!" all the time.

I cannot relate to this.

I dislike children. I don't hate them, like I often claim, but I honestly have no desire to bear them, care for them, watch them grow old and go to their school activities. I don't want to be a soccer mom. I don't want to drive a van. I don't want to deal with snotty noses and vomit and whining.

It's worse, even, then hating kids. They do not interest me. I don't mind holding them. They can be fun. But Jesus! do I not want one.

Maybe something will change. Maybe one day, if I meet the right man, I'll want one, or two, or seven. But if it stays like this, I dread the coming years.

Because honestly, if I hear another girl squeal over how cuuuuute a kid is, I'm gonna puke.



<< | >>

- - March 22, 2010
always the same - July 01, 2008
b-a-n-a-n-a-s! - December 25, 2006
elementary again - October 29, 2006
I don't like you, but I love you - October 03, 2006

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