"I measured your dad once"
August 28, 2002 @ 10:13 a.m.
Last night, thanks to some assistance by my mother and Sean, Becky and I had a most interesting conversation.
The whole thing started when Becky told me that Sean was still stinting at K105, a country station in Fort Wayne. Now, Sean being on the radio at all is pretty humorous in itself because he got taken off the air at K's sister station WMEE. But Sean on the air doing country?
I can't wait to hear the tape.
So I got that news from Becky and relayed it on to my mother, who was sitting on the couch nearby. She smiled and said, "I'm going to buy him a pair of overalls for Christmas."
I suggested she buy them for his birthday instead, which is November 30th. She agreed and asked. "What pants size is he?"
"Like I know. Blaine probably knows," I teased. Well, as it turned out, Blaine didn't know, but Sean happened to call right at that moment to speak to Blaine and Becky flat-out asked him. His response?
"I'm a 30 or 31 but I usually buy 34 because I like to wear things so baggy."
You know, the thing that bothered me the most about that was that he didn't even ask why we wanted to know.
So somehow after Becky clicked back on to talk with me, we got to talking about how tall Sean was. My mother guessed 5'10'' from the video we have of him (because Blaine's around 5'8'' and I'm 5'2''), and that's what Blaine thought Sean had told him once. Impressed by her guess, Becky dared me to ask my mother how long Sean was in his...well, important parts.
"Hey Ma! How long do you think Sean is?"
"How big are his feet?" came my mother's response.
Laughing, I asked Becky to ask Blaine to ask Sean, who was now talking to Blaine via Blaine's cell phone. When the response came back as "My shoe size is 9 1/2" my mother shook her head, sighed, and said, "Less than 6 inches."
"Soft or hard, Ma?" "Both."
By now Becky and I were laughing hysterically, because my very straight-laced mother who won't swear and won't let me say "shut up" was answering these sex questions about a younger man without blinking an eye. (I knew I got some of my perversity from her...)
Blaine had gone in the bedroom so he could hear Sean better (because Becky laughing was distracting him) and had shut the door. We joked that they were probably measuring themselves for each other, and I asked if there was a ruler in the K105 studio. Then, remembering Sean, I said, "Wait. Doesn't he just carry around a meter stick in his pants?"
Before we had a chance to ask, I told my mother about how Sean and Blaine were probably measuring themselves. Her response?
"I measured your dad once."
ACK. Ohhhh, I screamed. And Becky screamed, after I told her. Ohhhhhh, that was something I never wanted to hear from my mother, not in the least, not ever.
So. After that, things calmed down. Except for the fact that Sean said he carries a yard stick to measure himself, things pretty much got normal again. We discussed Gary and Carol (Blaine's parents) and what hell they were giving Becky. Hung up around 11:30. I got my homework done and was in bed by 12:15.
In other news, I'm meeting Bobby and his friend tonight at Perkins. It'll be good times. It took a lot of energy to organize but I know it'll be worth it.
...I'm still having bad images, thanks to my mother. I think that's going to cost me a lot in therapy in the very near future.
<< | >>
- - March 22, 2010
always the same - July 01, 2008
b-a-n-a-n-a-s! - December 25, 2006
elementary again - October 29, 2006
I don't like you, but I love you - October 03, 2006