not perfect, not wanted
September 03, 2003 @ 4:30 p.m.
This is from a while ago, but I thought I would post it. 'Cause I'm feeling today exactly how I was feeling that day. And this time I don't think Aaron can help.
KeekerBaby: I feel like I've been dead a very long time....and this is just a shell that's existing
KeekerBaby: My heart is dead. And it just sort of died when no one was looking
LunaMuerta: I don't think you ever gave yourself a proper chance.
KeekerBaby: what do you mean?
LunaMuerta: Could it be that you just never tried hard enough to get what you want?
KeekerBaby: it's hard to try to get someone when I don't believe in myself
KeekerBaby: it's like plugging a product you know is going to break down in three months
KeekerBaby: if you have any morals whatsoever, you don't even bother to show it off
LunaMuerta: See, you're not even giving yourself a proper chance.
LunaMuerta: There are fools out there that will still buy that faulty product & still end up loving it.
KeekerBaby: I just don't want to lie to people
LunaMuerta: Why would you have to?
KeekerBaby: because I'm not anything that anybody wants
KeekerBaby: and it's okay
KeekerBaby: because I've just....I don't know, accepted that
Because it's just. So much. Until you see those perfect breasts and perfect faces and perfect laughs and perfect smalls in their backs that you just get it. You get what guys want.
I look down at my small hands, my expansive thighs, see my reddened cheeks and sad mouth and undone face and I know.
And you would imagine I would have accepted it.
But I can't. Because there are people out there still encouraging my false hopes. Hell, I'm doing it myself. And it has to stop.
<< | >>
- - March 22, 2010
always the same - July 01, 2008
b-a-n-a-n-a-s! - December 25, 2006
elementary again - October 29, 2006
I don't like you, but I love you - October 03, 2006