still missing sweet St. Francis
September 27, 2003 @ 11:37 p.m.
Reminiscing about Saint Francis and the Bass Mansion, and everything there. It's only late at night, when I'm lonely, do I think about that place anymore. And even then it's broken images.
This place just doesn't have the feel to it that Saint Francis did, and that Fort Wayne did. Nowhere I go does. UNI is not home and I doubt it will ever be. Familiar, yes. Home, never. Iowa is not home either, anymore.
There's something certain about Indiana, something I can't place. But there's an aching in me when it's missing. It makes my eyes sting now, even now, even two years after the fact and counting. Although I am not old, looking back on Indiana makes me feel so young. So naive. How much I have learned since then! How many friends and boys that I cared about that have been lost! I am old just thinking of it!
I wouldn't give a minute of it back, not a single minute. In fact, I would greedily take more if I could. I forget nothing and will wax sadness forever of it. It is where I was carved into the shape of the girl I am today. How can someone ask for something more selfish than that?
I miss my friends there, I miss them terribly. This dorm does not feel like a dorm compared to the one in Indiana. This college is not like that college, it is a poor imitation of the trees and the ground and the old, cryptic buildings. It is insulting to see them aerate the ground here (like they used to at St. Francis) or watch them plant flowers. It is insulting to know these people here, to try and pretend they are my schoolmates and my dormmates. I am not happy here. I am not!
I show my mother around this campus tomorrow, because she wants to see it, wants to see that I'm doing well, wants to see. How can I show her this place when I am disgusted with it? How can I manage?
<< | >>
- - March 22, 2010
always the same - July 01, 2008
b-a-n-a-n-a-s! - December 25, 2006
elementary again - October 29, 2006
I don't like you, but I love you - October 03, 2006