Everywhere you go I'll follow you down
February 11, 2002 @ 11:04 a.m.
The emptiness caught me by surprise last night. Hit me like a cold wave and left me gasping for air. And I am lonely now, and looking for something I can't see. I feel as though I should cry.
I know I can't.
I thought perhaps your glances meant something. I realize now that I'm driving myself insane trying to figure them out.
And I find myself longing for you. And I find myself hating you for making yourself so damn worthwhile. And I ache for you, and you don't ache for me.
And so I sit here, wondering, in a continual funk of melancholy. I want to talk to you and no one else. And I'm tired, and just want to cuddle into your tender darkness and feel saved.
Guys are so painfully nonchalant sometimes.
Early awakenings. They haven't happened yet. So I suppose because I just feel sad every now and again, as opposed to all the time, it's self-inflicted.
I hate self-therapy. I like self-loathing much better. It's the security blanket I've always had.
I know what I'm giving up for Lent. My sanity. Either that, or masturbation.
HA. I crack myself up.
I'm so gonna tell Matt that. He'll laugh, I'm sure. Either that, or call me a tease or a pervert. What nice nicknames. Yeah.
I talked to Jessica for two hours last night. We think we need to take a road trip out here at the end of June, once we're both comfortably insane and sick of Iowa in general. I'm all about road trips.
We talked about Matt a lot too. She knows him now, says he's sweet. Has perspective on everything now. She sees us as good friends.
He said I'm cool. You have no idea just how good that makes me feel.
Scary part is, I don't even know why.
<< | >>
- - March 22, 2010
always the same - July 01, 2008
b-a-n-a-n-a-s! - December 25, 2006
elementary again - October 29, 2006
I don't like you, but I love you - October 03, 2006