E tenebris...out of darkness
March 27, 2002 @ 11:08 a.m.
The sky has never been so blue.
And I haven't forgotten you, I've just converted you. I equate you now with living.
This was after so many tears, so many last nights of sobbing and worrying how I could get to you.
Now I just listen to birdsong, and don't mind.
How I was: "As if I listen for the phone to do anything else but ring and let it be your voice, in memoriam so I'd spin a spider lie so you would stay near, if only that phone would ring I would confide everything (no I wouldn't) and tell you what I feel (no I couldn't) and I could stand repeating myself and giving you my heart if only I could see you again, again before I leave but I doubt right now you even remember me for what I am much less for what I could be and i'm not ready to let go yet, I swear I don't mind the pain (someone tell me I mind the pain) as long as you nod just a little along to my tune, and I'd drink with you and kiss you and be your best friend, I could be her (minus the sparkle in the eyes) and so shh...as I sit here and listen comatose, as I sit here and listen for that phone to ring, all I want to hear is your voice..."
I am forgetting now, forgetting that mood with you.
I don't need that mood with you. You have been removed from my list. I still keep the old thoughts of you in my heart, for those times when I want to be melancholy.
But for now, I enjoy looking outside and smiling. I enjoy the birdsong, listen for the robins and delight in them.
I understand Hopkins when he explodes THE WORLD IS CHARGED WITH THE GRANDEUR OF GOD. I believe it today, without convincing myself.
It's been so long since I've had the childlike smile upon my face.
Has it always been this sunny?
E tenebris.
<< | >>
- - March 22, 2010
always the same - July 01, 2008
b-a-n-a-n-a-s! - December 25, 2006
elementary again - October 29, 2006
I don't like you, but I love you - October 03, 2006
