Just "all right"
March 27, 2003 @ 3:49 p.m.
Ohhh. I love being wrong. Even more, I love you guys more than is probably healthy, so let's never fight again, okay?
Group hug!
Anyway. I have a real story to tell today. I was in history class, bored out of my mind and falling asleep, when this girl who I talked to sometimes during class named Lora sits next to me.
"So. Are you looking to hook up with someone?"
I looked at her, slightly shocked. "Uh, why?"
"Because I have this friend who wants to hook up with someone."
"...No, I don't think so. I don't hook up with people I don't know." Really I was thinking, well, I don't hook up at all. But saying that got me thinking about things.
As much as I complain about being alone, it's strange. I've been alone so long that I know nothing different, and really there isn't anything for me to miss. The only time I really begin to feel lonely is at night, when I off-and-on cry myself to sleep. I doesn't happen often. But it would be nice to have someone around, just as an option to call and say that I'm lonely.
When I see people kiss, sometimes I'm yearningful (holy fucking yeah, there's a new word), but just as much disgusted. I don't know why. Maybe because I know it'll never be mine, I'll be lonely forever, blah blah blah.
I'm tired of being the perpetually single one only because there seems to be ample opportunity for couples to rub their coupleness in my face. Having a boyfriend would do nothing but give me even more neuroses than I already have now.
It would, however, be a change in my life. Frankly, I need something unsettling to happen. I'm getting tired of coming home and telling my mother my day was just "all right."
<< | >>
- - March 22, 2010
always the same - July 01, 2008
b-a-n-a-n-a-s! - December 25, 2006
elementary again - October 29, 2006
I don't like you, but I love you - October 03, 2006