apathy -- a certain need
August 11, 2003 @ 3:05 p.m.
You know what I want?
A reason.
A reason to do anything. A reason to keep eating. A reason to stop eating. A reason to think I'm special. A reason to think that I should keep on living.
And it's not even thoughts of suicide that drive me now -- just an extreme amount of apathy for myself and everyone else on this planet, but mostly myself.
Apathy, apathy. Even the word is lazy. I can barely keep my eyes open. What makes me think I can move to UNI, go to Fort Wayne this weekend? What makes me think I can do anything at all?
Apathy. Apathy.
It's like I need a hug. I need to have sex. I need to crave something because I haven't craved anything for a long time now. It's like I need to feel something other than boredom, and anger, and annoyance. I need to feel some good feelings.
I need.
(Apathy.)
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