Would you care for a date? I don't want mine
April 07, 2003 @ 9:00 a.m.
So. I have a date on Friday night.
*shriekwhimper*
Yeah. With this guy named Josh.
Um.
So I'm scared to death, because I don't know what to expect. I've gone over each and every possible scenario that would happen in my head about a dozen times. With any luck, I'll have a brain aneurysm from worrying about it so much and none of this will be an issue.
My goals: lose 80 pounds in a week. Buy a new wardrobe. Get some Vaseline and smear it on my teeth Friday night, so I'm perpetually smiling.
This is why I liked being single. I didn't have to worry about any of this. Y'know. What if he's a loser? What if he makes me pay? What if he pays? What if he's perfect? (I doubt it.)
What if he makes a move? What if he's bored? What if I'm bored? What if I hate him so much that I never want to see his face again, but don't want to be mean about it?
All right. I've decided. I'm becoming asexual.
I don't deal well with shit like this, I really don't. I am not good at small talk. I act dumb around boys. Boys don't like me. It was just easier that way, because then I was only lonely around everyone else.
It's embarrassing. I hate acting like such an ass around boys. I hate acting at all.
Like any time, this was not a good time. It would have never been a good time, but not especially now. Especially since I've finally wanted to give up hoping for something.
Now I have to be all thinking about it all the time again.
It didn't take him too long to call. But I was hoping that he wouldn't. This complicates everything, you see? I've become melancholy about it, instead of just being scared like last night.
Jessica seemed excited enough. My mother was incredulous, started giving me the third degree. (Where? When? With this boy? Why?)
Other people won't believe it, and I don't blame them. I just expected never to be asked. It was becoming all right with me.
I hate dwelling, and that's all I'm doing with this.
Let this week go slow.
<< | >>
- - March 22, 2010
always the same - July 01, 2008
b-a-n-a-n-a-s! - December 25, 2006
elementary again - October 29, 2006
I don't like you, but I love you - October 03, 2006