anywhere you go, i'll follow you down
January 05, 2004 @ 1:14 p.m.
Okay. So. I think I'm feeling a little better. I slept well and have managed to wake up in a decent mood. I found out I owe more on my car payment than I thought I did, so it won't be paid off quite yet like I thought. No matter.
Now that I'm out of the clouds, I have realized what a selfish eejit I was about the whole thing. Yeah, there are times when I need "me" time. But "me" time shouldn't consist of threatening to kill myself, even if it was the truth at that time.
Yeah.
I'm trying to be eloquent about this. But there's really nothing eloquent about suicide.
I can tell you now that I wouldn't have done it. First off and most logistically, I didn't have the energy for it. I could barely move. There's no way I could have found a vehicle for killing myself. Secondly, and probably more importantly -- I don't have the balls. The bullheadedness, yes, if only to prove a point, but not the balls. I would have found many reasons not to. I wouldn't have been able to swallow pills, pull a trigger.
Get it? I couldn't.
Feeling: better.
Listening to: Gin Blossoms's "Follow You Down"
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- - March 22, 2010
always the same - July 01, 2008
b-a-n-a-n-a-s! - December 25, 2006
elementary again - October 29, 2006
I don't like you, but I love you - October 03, 2006