fuck the world, I'm hanging out with you tonight.
November 15, 2003 @ 12:46 a.m.
Busy day today. I managed to finish my paper this morning around 2 am. Collapsed by 3 am, after trying desperately to write a speech but having massive trouble with sentence structure. ("What the hell's that verb again? Go, is it?") Was up again by 9:45, but didn't go to my math class like I should have, because my speech wasn't done and I deemed it more important. You know. Despite the fact I'm getting a D in my math class. Math is stupid anyway, so what the fuck do I care?
Anyway.
Gave the speech about intrapersonal communication and self-esteem, and everything went well. I met my time limit with ease and my zip disk worked, and since those were the two things I was most nervous about, things went by easily. My paper is turned in, and although it wasn't my best work, I'm really not in the mood to give a shit. It's done -- that's all I care about.
The only thing that sucked today academically (or from the place of my academia) is that I'm having further trouble with my MMR shot. UNI won't let me register until they have proof that I'm immunized (because everyone will get measles from me, 'cause I'm a walking measle machine), and although I managed to finagle my records from an old doctor's office, they didn't put my second MMR shot on there. I know I got my second one -- I wouldn't have been able to attend kindergarten otherwise, for Chrissakes. So if I have to get a shot, I'm going to be extremely displeased, because I fear shots more than I fear pretty much anything. I shake and cry like a child when I have to get one. I'm not quite sure why I fear them, except that perhaps all my experiences with hospitals makes me extremely wary of them. But yes. Not good.
After all that was taken care of, I came back here and died for a while, until Aaron called me. We decided to go to Happy Chef (of course -- like you have to even ask) and so we did. Discussed lots of inane things and actually some philosophy this time. Then he told me that he wanted to bend me over backwards and tongue kiss me and pretty much the rest of the night was a blur.
A few things, Aaron: no guy has ever said that to me. Hence my turning every shade of red. Secondly, I apologize for pulling away. I would blame it on something if I had something to blame it on, but mostly I'm just a paranoid little putz. Let's leave it at that. Thirdly, touch my hair more often. I really like it. Really. Heheheheh.
After I dropped Aaron off, I went over to my cousin Jenni's to babysit my second cousin Samantha. She's so big now, three months yesterday. After a quick nap, she cried for twenty minutes and I ended up calling my mother to come over. By the time she arrived, Samantha was quiet again, but I was pretty nervous for a while.
Most women are just good with children. I'm not. I think that's partly why I don't want children -- I have a hard time dealing with anything that I'm not good at already. It's a perfectionist thing, which is obviously something I'd have to get over if I wanted to have children, because it's just one giant experiment. I'm not the type that likes to experiment. I just like knowing everything. And you can't do that with kids.
So after I had checked her diaper, made her a bottle she didn't want, cooed to her, sang to her, bounced her -- she burped. Three times. And was fine. And took one and a half ounces of a bottle. And fell asleep in my arms, and slept until they got home.
I'm just not good with kids. I don't know why. Perhaps because I can't talk to them rationally, and can't communicate with them logically. It's yet another "female" thing I don't do well.
Ah well. I'm too tired to wax melancholy. Take it easy, kids.
Feeling: exhausted and hungry.
Listening to: The Juliana Theory's "Goodnight Starlight"
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- - March 22, 2010
always the same - July 01, 2008
b-a-n-a-n-a-s! - December 25, 2006
elementary again - October 29, 2006
I don't like you, but I love you - October 03, 2006