I am a mess.

Hoop earrings and Spike
February 17, 2003 @ 9:10 a.m.

My mother took off for Florida yesterday, and I felt like crying for no reason at all. I don't know if I felt abandoned, or just knew I would be lonely, but I seriously have this dependence on my mother that I never have had before.

I feel guilt for her leaving. It's a fucking business trip, for Chrissakes, she's gone for 5 days. (And yeah -- I'm the loser who's not having a party.)

And I'm feeling insanely guilty over it. Heh. Go figure. I've also started feeling horribly sad at every sad look my dog gives me, as though assuming complete responsibility that my mother is gone.

This is my dog. So you can just imagine what he looks like sad.

And. Okay. I watched 10 hours of television yesterday. Including Buffy, which I hardly watch. And I seriously reaffirmed my crush for the scary vampire guy, Spike. I want to molest him for reasons I don't know.

On the brighter side of my weekend, I had dinner with Jessica at Perkins per usual. We always seem to have a good time, especially when we haven't talked for a couple of days.

And I feel like I'm babbling, but I have nothing better to do. I wish Kyle would talk to me so I could hate him.

I also talked to Robin on Saturday. She's dating 2 guys at once and very excited that I'm coming to Fort Wayne. We're having lunch, at least, and I know I'll likely see her more. The thing about Robin is that she makes me feel completely comfortable and yet strangely sorry for not being a better person.

I've decided it's completely lame to be sad today. So I wear hoop earrings and a semi-smile and try to hope for the best.

What else can I do?

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always the same - July 01, 2008
b-a-n-a-n-a-s! - December 25, 2006
elementary again - October 29, 2006
I don't like you, but I love you - October 03, 2006