Ding ding ding! Whaddya we have for her, Johnny?
May 14, 2002 @ 5:42 p.m.
So. My hair color is that strange thing between brown and blonde and not-quite red. But it's back to the color that it was once before. That's a frightening thought, to know that you can return to what you were before so easily. I wish that could happen with personality.
I am in desperate need of some company tonight. Something, anything, to keep me from boredom. I have been inside my house practically the whole time I've been home and I tire of Dumas' Musketeer exploits and bland water.
Steve, Josh, and Phil are my men now...and I suppose Mo as well, although I really don't consider Mo anything but a cat. He's so haughty that it's difficult not to. It's quite sad that my bettas must be the due male presence in my life.
I've been walking every day with the exception of two Saturdays ago. I'm up to two or so miles now; sometimes more, sometimes less, mostly just two miles.
I don't know why I do it; my flexibility has improved (no dirty thoughts, people!) but beyond that I see no benefits. I'm still as fat and ugly as before, only now I can bend over further so my whole big ass is revealed. Yay.
There are fringe benefits to it, like more energy, but I really don't have a purpose for it. I think as soon as I walk for a purpose, or walk to please someone, or to end up going somewhere, I'll end up quitting.
When I walk, I find it's more than just walking. It's a chore more than being pleasurable: between thoughts of all kinds, other track users, inclement weather, faulty equipment, an achy body, and a lack of enthusiasm (plus a newfound need of regulating my breathing through my mouth so my lungs don't burn and I'm forced to use my inhaler), I find that I rarely do even want to go. So why do I?
Eh. Something to do.
Oh, Becky, by the way. I keep forgetting to tell you, but my Sean video isn't complete. I only have two hours of the four hour tape. You have no idea how this saddens me.
So...what have I been up to? Nothing, really. Collecting fish. Acquiring a shitload of allergies and pimples. Trying to guess what my reproductive system is going to do this month, as I'm out of my progesterone and it's a "trial month." Looking half-heartedly for a job.
I want to stay in Fort Wayne next summer, and I really think that it can happen. I need to talk to Becky and Blaine about acquiring an apartment with them, and also transferring schools. There's a lot that must be done, and a lot that must be discussed, but I think if I really wanted to stay in Fort Wayne next summer, it could happen.
Matt and Kyle haven't faded from my mind, but they've become less painful to think about. Thoughts of Kyle are mostly bitter and sad...but there's nothing I can do about him now. Kyle is gone, he chose it and he must live with it just as I am. I'm sure, in the deepest parts of him, he could care less.
I saw a rainbow yesterday, and I asked myself, "With whom would you have liked to share that moment?"
I'm sure you can guess the answer...
<< | >>
- - March 22, 2010
always the same - July 01, 2008
b-a-n-a-n-a-s! - December 25, 2006
elementary again - October 29, 2006
I don't like you, but I love you - October 03, 2006