Pisces Jesus man
January 02, 2004 @ 11:55 p.m.
I should just go ahead and commit suicide already.
I keep threatening it. I keep thinking maybe it'll get better. And it's not getting better. These mood swings are taking over, making me see darker greys and sometimes just black. I can't even talk to Aaron decently anymore because I'm so fucking rude and annoying and take everything so literal and to heart. And no, Aaron, I never promised you I'd stay. You promised me, but I never made that same promise. So no, I don't have to stay around for you. I don't think I should. I just ruin things anyway. I'm a fucking defective, I should be maimed. And no, I can't love you, because wouldn't that make everything so much more fucking complicated? Like we need that. And it's not just with Aaron. I just fucking care too much in general about everyone. And because they don't care nearly as much about me, I start arguments or say stupid meaningless bullshit just to get them to react to me, just to get them to care one way or another. Love me, hate me, but don't fucking ignore me. I can't stand myself if you ignore me. I can't stand myself anyway, but please, don't fucking ignore me.
"...but I still can't get over the frustration, the guilt and empathy I have for everyone. There's good in all of us and I think I simply love people too much, so much that it makes me feel too fucking sad. The sad little sensitive, unappreciative, Pisces, Jesus man."
Feeling: suicidal.
Listening to: silence.
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- - March 22, 2010
always the same - July 01, 2008
b-a-n-a-n-a-s! - December 25, 2006
elementary again - October 29, 2006
I don't like you, but I love you - October 03, 2006