that's just the way it is
January 01, 2004 @ 10:19 p.m.
Every time I go to update this damned thing, I get all sad. I wonder if it's just this lonely white box that makes me sad. Who knows. Anyway, onward.
I spent my New Year's Eve alone, working on Aaron's book some more. I woke up this morning and felt an intense need to leave, so I jumped in my car and road-tripped to Cedar Falls. Absolutely no reason for it, except that I had to get out and I know my way around there. It felt good to be driving again -- I never have minded the commute.
On the way back home I stopped in Raymond to visit my father's brother (my uncle) Gary, who has been dead for 12 years now. I don't know why I did, except that I was desperate for someone to talk to. And so I did. I stood there in the freezing cold wind for a half hour and sobbed and asked Gary for help. I was never close to Gary -- I remember him fondly and all, but was never close to him -- and so I don't know what possessed me. But I cried. And I asked him to help me with my father, because he's the only one that my father would ever listen to. And I told him about Marisue and Ashley and Nathan moving to Mississippi, and assured him that they were grown and happy, even without him there.
I cried until the wind cut through me completely and I had to go back to my car, and so I kissed the headstone and drove home.
Aaron and I spent the afternoon and the early evening together. We climbed in his bed for a while and I gave him another hand job (which he needed like you wouldn't believe), and then we went to Happy Chef. Lots of laughing, lots of feeling all right. I am apparently now "his Squishy" (from "Finding Nemo", obviously), although I don't know if that's a good thing or not.
And now because I have to work eight hours tomorrow, time for bed.
Feeling: quiet.
Listening to: 2Pac's "Changes"
<< | >>
- - March 22, 2010
always the same - July 01, 2008
b-a-n-a-n-a-s! - December 25, 2006
elementary again - October 29, 2006
I don't like you, but I love you - October 03, 2006