Locked in, shut out
October 09, 2002 @ 4:18 p.m.
Everything is more of the same old, same old. I used to know the names of the people that I loved, but now they're few and far too between for me to really count. It'd only disappoint me anyway.
I'm so silly for wanting to care for someone. But I find myself wishing for the most asinine things lately. I want to help someone as they suffer. I suppose I just have this whole underlying need for someone to need me.
I read once somewhere, in some Colorgenics test that I took, that my need to need and my need to be needed has become almost an obsession in my life. I had never felt so exposed. And I knew that this stupid little test was right. I knew that in me there is this great need to have someone love me completely, no matter the circumstances.
...Maybe I should go buy another fish.
Honestly, though, I think that's been one of my major problems lately. There's so much I have to give to someone...and so much of it's bad. But I want to share. And I want someone to need me. And I swear to God if one more person tells me they know what it feels like, or what I'm going through, or that I am needed, I will hit them. Get it?
I will hit you.
Because you don't understand, any more than I understand your situations in life. You don't understand what it's like for me to wake up day after day and feel disappointed.
I just want to be needed. I want to be kept up at night by my boy who keeps coughing because of the sickness we caught in the cornfield the night before (remember, Bobby?). I want to have someone to love/hate, and have it returned. That, most important of all.
Have us fight. Have us make up. Have us make out. Just have us make something out of nothing.
Isn't that what it's all about anyway?
<< | >>
- - March 22, 2010
always the same - July 01, 2008
b-a-n-a-n-a-s! - December 25, 2006
elementary again - October 29, 2006
I don't like you, but I love you - October 03, 2006