Ever loved, lost, and liked it that way?
July 12, 2002 @ 10:10 a.m.
I'm getting fatter. Every day I'm here, I'm getting fatter. Every day I eat more and more, thinking it will satisfy that craving in me. Every day I pray I can go back to Fort Wayne, just for four days, thinking that will satisfy my craving.
Nothing will. But I booked flights anyway. Stupid naive me.
My poetry of late has been nonexistent, and I find myself hating the passion that keeps me alive.
I discussed Kyle with my mother last night over dinner. About how I missed him. About how I think of him every single day. About how I fucked up and fucked up bad. She said that life was too short and I should email him and get it over with, see what he was up to.
I said it wasn't my fault. She said I was being too proud.
Perhaps. But I know what this will result in. If I fucking drop everyone who hurts me, I'll be alone. But sometimes, I think I'll like it that way better. Until I wake up and my first thought in the morning is wishing for someone to be lying next to me, like I did this morning.
It was so cold this morning.
Ever loved, lost, and liked it that way?
<< | >>
- - March 22, 2010
always the same - July 01, 2008
b-a-n-a-n-a-s! - December 25, 2006
elementary again - October 29, 2006
I don't like you, but I love you - October 03, 2006