To live in the physical
January 31, 2003 @ 9:50 a.m.
I am exhausted...up too late reading Harry Potter and eating ice cream. I'm quite cranky today but I don't think it's from being tired. It's a lack of empathy with the world at the moment. it's knowing that after school there's work, and after work there's Friday-night commitment to my mother. it's knowing I have a whole weekend free and yet it's needlessly cluttered up with all these things that I'd rather not do.
I'd rather just sleep. And go to Perkins on Sunday with Jessica, something we should perhaps make a routine.
It's strange, because I'm not really looking forward to anything except satisfying the now. I want a pop right now and goddamnit, I'm going to my car to get a dollar even if my face ends up next to the ice on the ground. I need to blow my nose, watch General Hospital, drink caffeine, read Harry Potter, fill up my humidifier, see my aunt Pat, and curl up in a blanket. And I guarantee I will do most of that very soon. Because that is what I'm concerned with right now. That's all, and to me that's everything.
I don't really have concern for schooling, although I take care of what needs to be done. And I don't really enjoy my job, because it's a rather large pain in my ass. It's just the litle things that make me get through my day at all anymore, but they're satisfying to me. And as stupid as that sounds it's what makes me not want to die. I do not want to live, but I certainly do not want to die.
And that makes a difference.
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- - March 22, 2010
always the same - July 01, 2008
b-a-n-a-n-a-s! - December 25, 2006
elementary again - October 29, 2006
I don't like you, but I love you - October 03, 2006