The club
June 17, 2002 @ 3:14 p.m.
I am delightfully sunburnt. It puts some pain in my head, distracts me from the realizations I'm going to have to come to soon enough. I wish I knew, one way or another, how things were going to turn out.
People are moving on, changing their lives, changing it for the better or for the worse. But at least they're changing things. I suppose I'm changing, but I don't feel as though I'm moving anywhere. I'm stuck in quicksand, sinking, knowing that I'm going to die sooner rather than later.
The middle-aged make me insane. The ones who work all day and go home to gardening and mowing and playing with their children and cold beers and television and their golden retrievers. That's not what I want. That's not who I want to be. That stupid cliche is still working on me, that I can be someone better, that I shouldn't give in because I can accomplish so much more.
I still feel like I should be having philosophical discussions over dinner at a restaurant I'll never be able to afford in reality. Or staring up at the stars, out in the wilderness where no one else has touched, just me and a campfire and nocturnal birdsong. Or lying in bed, contemplating the ruins of the great Egyptian and Mayan civilizations while some man I don't know but am falling in love with performs the greatest pleasures.
Truly, is there anyone who lives that sort of life? And if so, what club do I have to join and what fee do I have to pay to enter?
<< | >>
- - March 22, 2010
always the same - July 01, 2008
b-a-n-a-n-a-s! - December 25, 2006
elementary again - October 29, 2006
I don't like you, but I love you - October 03, 2006