As I ever will be
May 01, 2002 @ 4:16 p.m.
All right. Quality updateage, now.
First of all, Becky is wonderful. She did my entire Excel project for me 'cause I hadn't a clue. Not a clue as to what I was doing, and my best friend is the coolest. Honest she is. I loooove Becky.
All right, enough of that. Now, about last night. Details.
Matt gave me a call around 12:15 this morning with a "Sup kid?" I dispise this latest nickname, I do. He really needs to find a new one for me. I even preferred pervert over that, believe it or not.
We joked about his needing to cut a commercial for Buster...something that should take ten minutes would probably take him four or five hours. He said he would be over by 12:45, and surprisingly, he was.
He showed up at the door smoking a cigarette, which was something he said that he didn't do except when he drank. So he lied to me (imagine that), but I've gotten to the point where I don't care.
As soon as he walked in, I fixated on his goatee. I know this sounds strange, but that was something I spent a good minute and a half staring at, all the while trying to concentrate on the filth about weed or drinking or sex that was spilling from his mouth. And trust me, it came.
His goatee is redder than the rest of his hair, and sparse. It looks downright...well, stupid, really.
His eyes still get me, though. I don't know why...they're all sorts of cute squinty, even now. Even now that I know he doesn't deserve me, those eyes still appease everything in me that wants to be appeased.
We talked for a while, about all sorts of unimportant things....wary friends we are, not quite sure what to do with each other. Discussion of nothing important, I won't bore you with pointless conversation, I find it trivial and rather dreary at times.
Before he left, he offered to draw me a map to The Basement for the Corporate Circus CD release party on Friday. He wants to see me one last time...I want to go...but I also know that Blair will be there. If he's trying to get the two of us to meet, well...that's just something I don't want to do.
I have no desire to meet that girl. And for him to have some ulterior motive, for him to have us fight over him -- if that's the case, she can have him. I am as done as I ever will be.
And so I won't see him again before I leave. And I figure that's probably just as well. I'm just the type to place him on a pedestal anyway. This is better. I must convince myself it's better.
Oh, and May? Hands, eyes, and lips, darlin.
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- - March 22, 2010
always the same - July 01, 2008
b-a-n-a-n-a-s! - December 25, 2006
elementary again - October 29, 2006
I don't like you, but I love you - October 03, 2006