worthwhile
October 30, 2003 @ 9:26 p.m.
Being fat is something that I talk about a lot -- mostly when I'm having a "feeling worthless and ugly" day. But maybe I should explain my struggle with self-worth.
As cliche as it sounds, my self-esteem problems stem from societal expectations of the "perfect woman." Think of it this way: if fat women (meaning women that actually have curves) were plastered on billboards, celebrated in films and television, and praised for their beauty, then thin girls would have a complex. Suddenly every thin girl would fret and tug at their hair because they couldn't fit into a size 16.
Wouldn't it be wonderful?
Of course, part of it is just because I am the way I am. I ask myself every day why I deserve attention, why I deserve goodness and respect. Some people just know they're worth it, and I envy those people. Because I don't know it. And that's what I have to deal with when I wake up every morning.
But I'm getting better. Especially this year, for some reason, I'm getting more positive feedback from people, people that say I'm cute and intelligent and funny and worth their time, and this helps.
It always helps to hear that you're worthwhile.
Feeling: full.
Listening to: Breaking Benjamin's "Polyamorous"
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- - March 22, 2010
always the same - July 01, 2008
b-a-n-a-n-a-s! - December 25, 2006
elementary again - October 29, 2006
I don't like you, but I love you - October 03, 2006