Beneath my skin
February 02, 2002 @ 11:43 a.m.
I was wrong. I didn't fall in love with Kyle like I thought I would. Instead, I fell into disgust. He's acting like a complete asshole lately, and if this is the way he gts around Susanne (and when he's into a girl), then fuck him. He never talks to me anymore. He is constantly blowing me off and only seems to talk to me if it's convenient. I feel so cheap when I'm talking to him, as though he's paid me to dance a certain way. Things really haven't been the same since Christmas break, since Susanne. Damn her. But damn HIM for changing.
And damn myself for caring so much that I don't want to lose him.
Matt won't leave my mind. I keep the phone constantly by my side, wishing and hoping he will call. There's just something about the whole situation on Tuesday. I keep thinking that it was either all a dream or a joke, and it's frightening to think that perhaps it was both.
It's like I keep expecting him to be here. When I check voice mail, I'm listening for his voice. When I open my e-mail, I keep thinking I'll have a message from him. Basically I'm thinking he's caring more than he does.
God, he didn't even kiss me. I'd hate to see if he had fucked me.
You know, I just want to be able to think about the specifics of sex. I know the gist of things. But I want specifics.
Of how his lips and tongue fit with mine. Where his hand wander, where they stop. How they gently squeeze my nipple. How his tongue caresses my neck and his teeth brush soft bites on my earlobe. What he whispers as he tastes my skin for the first time. How his hand reach for my hips and quiet their melancholic stuttering. How he moans with pleasure as he feels me inside, so tight and wet. His sweat on my skin, his groans and gasps echoing through my mind. I want to feel his weight upon me, on top of me, smothering me. I want my tears of love to be wiped away by his gentle fingers.
I want to cry when I make love. Bebelua has seen to that.
<< | >>
- - March 22, 2010
always the same - July 01, 2008
b-a-n-a-n-a-s! - December 25, 2006
elementary again - October 29, 2006
I don't like you, but I love you - October 03, 2006