Any particular place
April 17, 2002 @ 7:31 p.m.
I feel a great need to see red, telling me that you updated with some frequency. My buddy list has never been so full and still no red.
I am delightfully floating between that place of half-awake and half-asleep. I suppose tonight would be the night that he calls. I hate I still expect him to call every night, and find myself watching the phone nearly excitedly, but more full of dread than anything.
I know it'd be the night I don't want him over when he comes over. But whatever, I'm done with him. I've made it that way...I've been wanting it that way more and more. As you've seen from the entries of late, I'm becoming frustrated with everything that involves him.
It's not that I want to go home, necessarily...it's that I want to leave all the problems that are here. I've always been one for running away from my problems, not facing them. Wisconsin was my option before Indiana, perhaps one day it will be an option again...
I don't know exactly where I will end up. I shudder to think that I will be back in Iowa for extended periods of time...there are certain things that I love about Iowa, but the majority of it makes me insane. I don't need help with insanity, I can make myself insane quite easily, thank you.
I don't know if I see myself traveling to a coast...I have so much Midwest still in me that it would be difficult to do. There are certain values and ways of life that would be difficult to get rid of or abandon. I could see myself in Wisconsin, in Indiana for a definite extended period...perhaps Minnesota, I'm not sure.
I don't think I could ever go too far south, except for perhaps commercialized Florida. The East Coast is the coast I'm fascinated by...I'd love to live in the suburbs of New York City or Boston. Perhaps in Pennsylvania somewhere...the West Coast I'm not really interested in (sorry West Coasters!) with the exception of Montana.
I have something about Montana...never been there, but it's a dream of mine to live there. There's something very romantic about the whole porch-rocking-chair-with-a-bottle-of-tequila-and-hound-lying-at-your-feet image. I'd also love to live in Colorado, among the Rockies that were so inspirational as a new teenager.
I'm not quite sure where I'll end up; I feel sometimes I'm just kind of blowing along like a lone leaf...just looking for a place, but not having any roots...I don't feel rooted to Iowa, to my family. Midwestern values, perhaps, but I could forsake those if needed.
It's a nice feeling sometimes, knowing you're not expected in any particular place.
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always the same - July 01, 2008
b-a-n-a-n-a-s! - December 25, 2006
elementary again - October 29, 2006
I don't like you, but I love you - October 03, 2006