I think...maybe...yeah, I feel better now
April 17, 2002 @ 11:23 a.m.
"I'm not the first you sucked down
I drank your pleasure slow
Then stumbled out from your veil
Still i've come for you tonight
Choke my faith and stab my pride
And tell myself that this is the last time
This is the last time
This is the last time now
I'll bleed for you
Preservation or predation
As i'm reeling i don't know
Crumbled i spill out of your hand
I want to fall
And you see it all
And you'll just laugh when i say this is the last time"
I will not bleed for you anymore, bleed and stumble and cross hands and hearts and foreheads for you anymore and I'm tired I'm sick I'm done I want you out or I want out either way I don't want to deal with you anymore and I'll find some other object of my affection you don't deserve me you don't deserve it and I'm so sick of you I could spit, spit empty love at you and you wouldn't notice and I'm so tired of dealing with your sanctimonious nonchalance and when you don't notice or take offense or offer up some sort of halfhearted blessing it makes me wonder why I ever thought I could gain the upper hand when all you do is use me and I'm tired of being used
Either way I'll stumble, either way I'll bang my head against the headache that is your laugh and it doesn't matter how soft my hair or skin or eyes are because you don't look at me, you look away down sideways anywhere but in my truth but I will show you what you're missing someday when my feet are both under me and I can swim right side up I promise you then when I flaunt it won't be for you, it will be for myself, and then you can see exactly what you've missed, after all this time
I'm right it's my fault too and nobody can take that away from me you see I am the one who thought perhaps you weren't an asshole or if you were you would change but why would you change yourself for me when there's so many other girls out there who just might take you just the way that you are?
And so I don't want you, no I don't want to see your face anymore, snapping thumbtacks on my fingertips each time I mention your name or hear your voice echoing in my mind I told you I wanted out so long ago but didn't push it, kind of liked that you used me but not anymore, I'm tired of dealing with you and your high school drama that plagues the best of us, I'm sure, but not me, not anymore.
<< | >>
- - March 22, 2010
always the same - July 01, 2008
b-a-n-a-n-a-s! - December 25, 2006
elementary again - October 29, 2006
I don't like you, but I love you - October 03, 2006