Determining my limits
May 31, 2002 @ 2:28 p.m.
It is rather warm today, makes me so lethargic. I sit and stare at nothing in particular and wonder exactly what I have to do to get a job around here, dammit. The boring birdsong and Alkaline Trio and the chirpiness of chimes tire me. I am not looking forward to this government class, and I tire of anything school-related quite quickly.
There are so many decisions I have to make and don't feel like making that it seems as though my life is rather quietly cracking in pieces under the increasing pressure. I am intelligibleand would give anything to be able to form coherent sentences with my eyes closed to block reality.
I am becoming worn down by life, and I hate that life's cliche of growing more complicated as it progresses is actually true. What a fucking letdown. I want to go somewhere far away today and not look back, but there's nowhere to go that won't be an ultimate disappointment.
Matt seems to be more and more broken and insecure with himself the more I learn about him, and it saddens me. The amount of empathy I have for him is overwhelming. There is so much that I want for him that it doesn't even matter if he's with me or not; I just want him to be happy. And if possible, I want to help him be happy. And if he doesn't need my help...well, I am beginning to learn that's okay too. ......Distance between us makes everything so much easier.
I'm waiting for things to get real. There's so much to improve on, to decide, to make okay. Keeps me awake nights, along with strangely appealing late-night syndication and fleeting thoughts of dispair that I seemed to have mostly left behind in Indiana.
I am having trouble determining my limits today.
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- - March 22, 2010
always the same - July 01, 2008
b-a-n-a-n-a-s! - December 25, 2006
elementary again - October 29, 2006
I don't like you, but I love you - October 03, 2006