Guess who's back,back again,Matt is back,tell some friends
October 30, 2002 @ 5:41 p.m.
(And I�ll drink as though I�ve lost you
Though truth be told, you were never mine)
Wouldn�t it be wonderful if he knew about everything? Well, perhaps not wonderful. But different from this. And I can�t help thinking about his face again, even though he�s 400 fucking miles away and I thought I was over him. But it�s like each time I don�t think about him for one, or two, or three hours or days or weeks, he�ll come back in my head.
I�ll remember that stupid just-slept reddish hair and those squinty seablue eyes and those feminine eyebrows and staccato laugh and that stupid stupid stupid boy until the day I die. I�ll remember the stupidest little things about him, just because he was the boy I was in love with, and perhaps even love still.
This is different, though. Now I don�t want him out of my head. I want to feel again. It�s like pain, though: you remember you had it but you can�t really remember the pain until it physically happens to you again. So I don�t want him out. As much pain and irresponsibility he caused me, I don�t want him out.
And I don�t care what you say, I don�t care, he was good for me, in some ways. Even though I was so fucking unsure with him, it was something.
(I can�t stand looking in the mirror
I�d break it just standing there)
<< | >>
- - March 22, 2010
always the same - July 01, 2008
b-a-n-a-n-a-s! - December 25, 2006
elementary again - October 29, 2006
I don't like you, but I love you - October 03, 2006