I am a mess.

i hate everything about you
July 01, 2004 @ 2:04 a.m.

Okay, so I'm drinking. I'm more than slightly buzzed, but I can still type. Don't you just adore my drunk entries? Don't you just want to take them home with you?

Meh.

Oh, cheddar cheese with whisky is really good. You should try it sometime. It's all the rage.

So apparently Aaron got some action last night. I'd just like to tell him that he is not nearly as unattractive and awful as he would like to think if he can still score some ass. So...congratulations, my friend.

Also. Does anyone else watch the Real World: San Diego? 'Cause seriously. It is just a really good show. I really just like all of the castmates. I wish I was as hArDk0r (ehhh) as Frankie. She's too punk-rock for the house, you know.

Did you notice how everyone on that show is insanely good-looking? I could never be on it. They don't take fat, ugly chicks. I can still watch it, though. Which is good. I also like nip/tuck, mostly because I have a massive crush on Dylan Walsh. He's been hot since "Congo", dude.

I feel as though I've said this all before.

I've been meaning to write a personal essay on my Catholic upbringing and my current atheism, but I just haven't gotten around to it, and anyway I'm far too lazy to finish it. You know I would be. That's why I write poetry...poetry that I don't edit much. Because it's over and done with relatively quickly.

I'm much drunker now. More drunk. and I'm talking to Jerry, Jessica's boyfriend. He's nice. I'd forgotten. And I'm telling him all these things, and he's probably just like....."Yeah...she's drunk" but. I don't know.

Flinging your head in various directions makes you much dizzier when you've been drinking.

God, I shoudl go get some more alcohol. And some more cheese. Seriously. Cheese rocks. Now, if only I had some salsa and chips. Mmmm. Chips. Salsa. Mmmm.

whoo! i'm not good at this anymore. i'm lonely and sad and I'm tired of fucking dealing with it, and tired of everyone judging me, even my friends, I feel like I can't breathe with them sometimes, because they're just going to make false judgements about me when they don't even know me, and maybe I want to do something different, and maybe they should just fucking leave me alone.

mmm. chocolate pudding. shit, I eat a lot when I'm drunk. I eat a lot when I'm sober. I should be anorexic, like Mary-Kate. I'd be so popular then, I'd be all the rage. I could make millions. I could be someone's masturbatory fantasy. I could be thousands of men's masturbatory fantasies.

Do you know how hard masturbatory is to type when you've been drniking? Really.

I still have makeup on. Why am I bothering with makeup latley? Why does it matteR? Nobody's looking at me, anyway. God, you just don't understand. you don't. you can't. you just, fucking, can't. You don't know what it's like to be undesirable.

I'm so fucking tired of this subject, and I'm getting twitchy. Let's stop.

'Member him? I've posted pics before. Ioan Gruffudd. Remember his name, you all. It will be huge someday; HE will be huge someday.

I'm tired of people messing with my drunken mind. Relaly. Stop it. It's not polite and it makes me angry. Just, so angry. I can't. No.

This isn't happening. this isn't going to happen.

I will not.

I am done.

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- - March 22, 2010
always the same - July 01, 2008
b-a-n-a-n-a-s! - December 25, 2006
elementary again - October 29, 2006
I don't like you, but I love you - October 03, 2006