perhaps a while, perhaps forever
June 13, 2004 @ 1:30 a.m.
Ah, insomnia strikes again. This time it's accompanied by some pretty severe pain and even some nausea -- that's right, kids. It's that time of the month. I normally don't get this nauseous, but I've been pigging out on any sort of junk food I can find -- peanut butter cookies, chocolate, sour cream and cheddar cheese chips -- so it's not surprising. And it's nothing that a nice hot cup of peppermint tea won't fix. (Mint calms the stomach, you know.)
I don't know what can calm my soul, however. I've been restless these past couple of days. It'd be nice to see a friendly face, but I'm not quite sure where I can find one. I've been annoyed at pretty much everything and everyone lately, so perhaps it's good I've been mostly keeping to myself.
Mmm. I tell you. There is nothing more theraputic than tea. Nothing. Not alcohol, not drugs, not petting a dog (although with my dog, that comes awful damned close).
I normally don't mind being alone, or even lonely. But nowadays it's such a fresh fever, such an unrelenting need to be with someone, someone who can capture my interest, who doesn't leave me bored like so many people leave me bored. Who doesn't annoy me, after a time. Who keeps my mind working like crazy. And I'm not talking necessarily about romance here...although that sort of thing would be nice, I've resigned myself to believing that there are more important things to life than love (at least for my personage), and even if that's not the case, well.
Well, there's nothing I can do about it for now. I don't want to wake up one morning and think, My God I've missed everything but for now my social life and my love life are put on backburners. Not my choice -- it's really never been my choice -- but it's what I accept. For now I can revel in knowledge and creativity and laziness, and perhaps be comfortable one day in the fact that I'll be alone for a while. For a long while, perhaps.
Perhaps forever.
Feeling: crampy.
Listening to: the sound of silence.
<< | >>
- - March 22, 2010
always the same - July 01, 2008
b-a-n-a-n-a-s! - December 25, 2006
elementary again - October 29, 2006
I don't like you, but I love you - October 03, 2006