Safe haven
September 25, 2002 @ 10:44 a.m.
Bobby's devotion to Melanie has me thinking about Matt again. Our situations are different and yet so strikingly similar. It's almost a shame that another person has to feel this way too -- except I know there's a quiet enjoyment of the chase that both of us have and neither will admit to.
I'm still having deja vu like crazy over Fort Wayne, and it's the littlest things that can trigger the biggest reaction. For example, last night I found the slippers I used to wear all of the time there and was immediately flooded with images: the dorm room, down to the minutest detail -- lighting, placement, smell.
That was my place and my home. I've never felt home as much as I felt there. It was like I could take a deep breath for the first time in my life. Through all the lonely weekends, and the tears, and the boredom and frustration -- it was my home. Our silly string of Christmas lights over the doorway, the chimes in the window, the dirty dishes, the perpetual hair -- it was all mine to mold and make imperfect. It was my small, dark, dusty place that I committed to for nine months. And it was nice.
I didn't have to report to anyone if I didn't really want to. No one would be waiting for me when I got home late. It was wonderful. I wasn't expected anywhere.
Mina once told me that her room was her safe haven, and because of her agoraphobia it was the place where she felt most comfortable in the world. That's the only way I can truly express what that dorm room, school, what Fort Wayne meant to me, and what they were to me. My safe haven.
<< | >>
- - March 22, 2010
always the same - July 01, 2008
b-a-n-a-n-a-s! - December 25, 2006
elementary again - October 29, 2006
I don't like you, but I love you - October 03, 2006