(unfounded)
April 10, 2003 @ 3:45 p.m.
So my hair's curling to one side, and throwing off my equilibrium, and I have found it doesn't matter that I don't write coherently anymore. Some boys like that, some boys don't. Some boys don't like anything.
And I almost nearly broke down last night while at the library, shaky and flailing into the nearest chair. Suddenly all eyes were on me, flanking me.
(Suddenly I am not so special after all, no matter what you tell me.)
I was freezing upon waters too thick to drown in. I could have vomited and it would have been black masses of citric acid. Because it doesn't get better, better with time or changes.
So calm tones of assurance, that I was cute and great personality and "great smile" only held my mouth shut. I was desperate to tell the truth and no one would let me speak.
(I shiver, I shiver
I set forth and I shrivel)
More aura than face, that's what I end up seeing, and mine seen in the mirror shrieks like the wide-mouth yawn of a Scream mask.
Shhh.
I watch you put up just another away-sign and can't close the window, not just yet. Not when I can inhale what little fresh air you bring.
I wait for someone to move in the cosmic yin-yang so I can remove this stitch from my side. (Breathing half-cocked.)
Wanting someone to talk to. Very lonely, mostly with my guilt of feeling so good.
I am unfounded.
<< | >>
- - March 22, 2010
always the same - July 01, 2008
b-a-n-a-n-a-s! - December 25, 2006
elementary again - October 29, 2006
I don't like you, but I love you - October 03, 2006