settle for a smile
December 09, 2003 @ 4:15 p.m.
Poor Aaron. I feel so bad for him. Stuff is just not going his way right now. Last night we went out to Happy Chef at first and then he started talking unhappy once we got in the car, so I invited myself in, plopped down on his bed, and did not move.
I don't know if he wanted me to stay -- he said that he was fine, that he would be fine -- but those fresh cuts on his forearms and knuckles made my mind up. I refused to move. He finally relented and we went to bed.
Except we didn't sleep hardly at all. When I did sleep, I had that awful dream that I talked about before except this time Aaron was doing the stabbing himself, to himself.
I was up before seven, and Aaron was already up. We decided to go back and cuddle in his bed and that's what we did. I know I took his mind off of things for a while, but I'm so worried for him. I don't know what to do. I just want to make it go away.
I left Aaron's at 10:30 and drove to Cedar Falls, where I proceeded to do the Walk of Shame all the way to my dorm. After I explained to Natalie what was going on, I took a shower, then ate lunch and went to class. And drove back here for work. And that's it.
I worry, I worry for him. I do. I know perhaps it's too much. But he makes me care. I haven't cared in a very long time. But I ache for him, I empathize, I want his pain so he doesn't have to have it.
I have to settle instead for trying to make him smile.
Feeling: really sad. But not for me.
Listening to: my head pound. Major headache.
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I don't like you, but I love you - October 03, 2006